Parenting Semi-Adults: Personal Freedom vs. Safety: It’s a Female Thing
Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 11:59PM Princess took off to Sheetz last night at about 11PM to study. I told her I though this was unwise and unsafe. Her dad was asleep. Princess while she didn’t mind listening to my words, she wasn’t about to be swayed by them either. Off she went last night (she arrived back home by 2AM). Today I had a talk with her dad expressing my concern for my very pretty daughter out late at night alone.
After the incident (about 9 months ago) of allowing her to walk around our town later at night and Princess being followed by a young man, who scared the begeebers out of her; that had me waking my husband up to tell him what happened and maybe he will take my safety concerns more seriously in the future, he did listen ..sort of.
The car now has a curfew. Princess may come and go as she pleases. The car has to be home by specific times. It is our car; we pay all the insurance on it and all the upkeep. Our car’s curfew is midnight on weekday and 1 am on weekends; reasonable exceptions will be given on a per need basis. Requests for exceptions must be made to Dad before he goes to bed.
You think the man would read Listening For The Loopholes.
1) Every time Princess wants to keep the car past curfew will be an important exception.
2) Princess is rarely home from work before her dad goes to bed. The conflict will be back in my court.
Princess and I have conflicting goals. She wants her personal freedom; I want her to be safe. On her side, the local Sheets is about as safe a place for late night studying as you can get. Well lit, well staffed, the police drop by often, cheap food, decent coffee and none of the distractions of home. Her brother hung out at Sheetz often for less responsible reasons. If she lived on a college campus, we would be aware of where and how late she was studying.
On my side….late at night, smaller, physically weaker than someone who might try to do her harm, is walking to and from the car ALONE! If she was going with a girlfriend, I still wouldn’t like it but I could keep my concerns to myself. I am aware of where and how late it is.
I suspect our goals will always differ in this area. She will always want her freedom and I will always prefer she was safe. One of us will someday not get what she wants.
At least I will know the car is safe for the next few weeks.
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Reader Comments (5)
Does she carry a tin of pepper spray or anything?
I do not envy this problem. For me, midnight and 1 a.m. would be too late! I think you are being quite generous!!
I am seriously considering having both of my daughters (13 and 16) take a self defense class for the very reasons you mention. Both are small and no matter how careful, would not stand a chance if someone tried to use force. God forbid!
All women and girls need to learn to defend themselves. This is important for two reasons. First, obviously is personal safety.
Second, if we all know how to do it, attackers will think twice before attacking!
There is a VERY good book: "Self Defense for Girls and Women" and it applies to ANYONE who is small facing a large attacker.
It helps understand that there are NO RULES in such a scenario and you have one goal: to deal with the situation and get away quickly.
I really like how they show you the progressive moves from least harm to most harm and how to fashion your defense after the attack. You MUST BE CLEAR and your voice is your first line of defense: "Get Away From Me" in a very clear, loud voice to make the other party aware and to alert others around you.
I have benefited very much from this short book. I wish this were mandatory in our schools.
Pam Hoffman
Solomon, Pepper spray is illegal in our state. Only bad guys carry pepper spray.
Reese, I think self defense classes are an excellent idea. Thank you for mentioning them
Pam, Thank you for the book recommendation.