Parenting Teenagers: The Insanity

I find myself having the same conversation over and over. “Dear daughter, you know I always do laundry on Mondays . Always. As surely the sun rises and sets daily, I do laundry weekly, on Mondays . Therefore, it being Monday, why are you doing your laundry? “

This is the third week in a row I am having the same conversation. There is another person in the room. I can clearly see her. She is looking at me with that look that teenagers direct towards their mothers, the look  that makes a sane person wonder if there really is someone else in the room with them. For all the response I am getting, maybe that is really just a hologram of my daughter and I am in effect talking to myself.

The first time we had this conversation," Why when you know I do laundry on Mondays , are you doing yours?” the answer was “I forgot.” "I understand my darling daughter, even through  in the almost 2 decades you have lived with me, I have done the laundry on Monday,  I understand you forgot."

The next week, same conversation: “Why when you know I do laundry on Mondays , are you doing yours?” “I have to wash my work clothes. I’m working tonight”. Not so understanding this time, I look her in the eye  and state,” Do not do your laundry on Mondays . Do you understand?” “Yes “,answers my daughter or the hologram. My daughter is graduating high school. She did well on the vocabulary portion of the SAT. I know she is capable of processing the meaning of “Do not do your laundry on Mondays .” Never having dealt with a hologram, I am not sure of its processing abilities.

Today, I go to the basement to roll over my laundry, there is my daughter starting a load of hers. Today is ….Monday. With typical mother insanity, I ask her the same question “Why are you doing wash today?” The girl looked me in the eye and with all sincerity she can muster says” I though I was helping you out by doing it myself so you don’t have to”

This child is 18, well educated and self-centered as can be. The issue is not lack of memory or inability to understand what I desire. It is a heart attitude. She just doesn’t care. Her preferences matter more to her than my preferences.

What does a mom do in this situation? I could punish her. It seems silly to have to punish an 18 year old. I could ignore the behavior and change my wash date. It is folly to honor her lack of kindness towards me.

I have no easy answers for this revelation of her self-willed heart. I will pray. While there are many good systems for training and changing outward behavior, there is only One to can remold the human heart into His image.

1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2

I will be praying for both of us. It is time to stop the insanity.