Parenting Teens: A Mother’s Thoughts on Her Son Being Dumped

I’m sorry for your pain and for the life lesson you are now experiencing. We could have saved you this pain but you would not listen to the counsel your dad and I tried to share. Perhaps some good will come of this yet.

Even though the last few weeks have been rough on you, your former girlfriend is not a mean person. She is a 16-year-old girl who is not yet mature enough to give her heart to a young man. You my son are not yet mature enough to care and treasure a woman’s heart.

You wanted to create a cocoon for two, a happy world were each of you were loved by the other. She joined you in that happy cocoon but eventually it was too small, to confining, and she wanted out. You both are not yet mature enough to understand how two people can become one, and still have room in their lives for others.

She wants a boyfriend who can pay for dates, you want to play sports, and your parents will not fund your social life.

Living life in a community of faith is important to your father and me. Active church involvement is part of being part of our family. Her family revolves around their immediate family. Family events are primary to them. You don’t have the freedom to blaze your own path as a couple; you are not adults but children living with families who have differing priorities. Not that one set of priorities is superior to the other. They are just different, and at times they did conflict.

You didn’t have the maturity to want what was best for the other. She wanted you out of school sports so you could spend more time with her. You wanted her to give up male friendships that predated your relationship. She wanted control over the girls you talked too. You wanted a vow of eternal love that no young girl can make. Even if she “feels” this is so, it just isn’t. You didn’t have the maturity to believe us when we told you your request wasn’t realistic. Better to believe the pretty girl with the laughing eyes, than your parents, who have the life experience, but aren’t as pretty.

You sacrificed a lot to stay in that relationship when you gave up hockey. Remember, my son that was your choice. You don’t get to rewrite your history, and be hostile towards her because of your choice. You can regret the choice, but whatever the influences on you, the decision was yours to make, no one else’s.

There will be more pretty girls with laughing eyes in your future. Before you give your heart again, you would be wise to wait for the one who shares a vision for her future similar to your vision for your future. Someone who has the maturity to want what is best for you, as you will want the best for her. Who understands how to build not a cocoon, but a home, a special haven for two where others are welcome. One who will want to be part of a community of faith, as we hope and pray you will choose to be as you grow up and leave our home.

To find that special woman, you will have to be a man, my son. Give yourself time to grow, to mature, and to become that man. In the mean time:

23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4