Aging with Adventure: Sometimes Your Heart Has to Catch Up To Your Body

A while back, I wrote about making friends after a certain age. We have been involved with our church community for about two and a half years. My husband and youngest child adapted to this church body immediately. The teens struggled. One still straddles between the two churches. The other returned to our former church the moment we told her the choice of where to worship and serve was now hers.

It is a truism that we should follow our hearts. In this circumstance, my heart had to follow my body. I realized that a change was starting one Wednesday night as I drove to discipleship class alone, again. My husband works long hours to support our family. His hard work gives me a lot of freedom I wouldn’t have if I were working outside our home. Therefore, I participate in some church related activities alone. This wasn’t a problem in our former church. I had deep roots there, a long history with many people I loved. It wasn’t hard to go by myself because I knew I would be going home.

For all my outgoing ways, I am, in the core of my being, a shy person. It takes me a while to warm up to new people and new circumstances. I was driving along that Wednesday night, complaining how much I hate this, I hate going to church alone. Within my heart, the Holy Spirit said, “No you don’t.” Of course, I have to argue with God, “What do you mean? Yes, I do.” Again in my heart (this is not a voice in my head, so don’t get all weird on me), the Spirit spoke, “You did at one time. But, now you don’t.” I was shocked to realize this was true. I was complaining because I like to complain. I really didn’t hate going by myself any more. It was uncomfortable but, so what. If I only did in life the things I was comfortable with, I would have had only one child, walked only one marathon, and missed some unique friendships.

The next step in my heart catching up with my body came while at the Woman’s Night of Worship at our former church. Previously I have enjoyed this event. It gave me a change to catch up with old friends I haven’t seen in a while. This time, I am green with envy. I had this close fellowship with other women at one time and I am sitting there listening to those same women now share what God is doing in their lives. I am thinking, “I had this. I want this. This is not fair!” Again, the Spirit spoke to my heart, "You want the right thing in the wrong place.” Again, I was shocked that this was true. Our former church, while wonderful, was no longer my spiritual home. I have a different spiritual home.

My heart has finally caught up with my body. As the Lord leads, I am planting roots in our current church home. It is hard to enjoy what the Lord is giving you now, when you keep looking back at what He once gave you but, that is gone.

I have some friends. I am building a history with women I like. My heart and my body are finally in the same place. I am whole once again. Thank You Lord.

Comments

[Cindy]

I'm so happy for you. I know you have waited long for it and I am tickled for you. Also, I'm glad for me. It gives me hope! :)