Parenting: Does Having Children Make you Happy
Thursday, July 3, 2008 at 09:37PM My sister sent me the link to a Newsweek story asking “Does having Children Make You Happy?” She suggested I blog on this.
I have never really though about this question. I have questioned the wisdom of the universe in “blessing” me with a particular child from time to time. I demanded of my husband how this happened when I was pregnant with our fourth child. He wisely didn’t say any thing however our then five-year-old daughter piped up she knew how I got pregnant. Hesitantly we asked how. “I prayed,’” she said.
I have burst with pride, quaked with anger, prayed in hope, joy, fear or puzzlement because of our children. I worry because and over them. I have fought with my husband and stood shoulder to shoulder with him while raising them. Having children has revealed my love, impatience, willingness or lack thereof to sacrifice on their behalf. I have met great people because of them and have missed opportunities because of them. I love them with a furiously intense, distant kind of love. I marvel that God has used the love He gave my husband for me and me for him to create these creature, that I know belong to Him and yet are mine.
There was only one time I truly envied my sisters who don’t have children. They were taking off for semi-spure of the moment weekend in Greenland. They said I could go along with them if I wanted to but I just couldn’t. That trip captured for me, the freedom that not having children allows others. Would I trade my kids for that freedom…never. However being childless by choice has always seemed to me to be a reasonable life decision. I know this puts me outside the prevailing Christian view of the children in marriage. It is a Romans 14 situation and I am not about to debate it here.
I’ve never considered the question because in all honesty, for me it is not relevant. I had children because my husband and I desired them knowing they are part of God’s plan for our lives. I am happy with them because in the main they are good kids. When they are difficult, they have provided bible study and MOPS examples and blog material. Therefore, difficulty is an eventual win for me.
My kids are not the ultimate source of my happiness in this life. Neither is my marriage for that matter or my friendship. If the kids were wreaking serious havoc in our lives: drugs, crime, failing school, etc, life would be much, much more challenging, but the source of joy would still the same:
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ro 15
2 Cor. 12:9-10 — And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
How would you answer the question (be honest):
Does having children make you happy?
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Reader Comments (5)
I don't think having children would make me happy. I just don't have that paternal streak in me that makes me want children. Having children, to me at least, seems like an awful lot of work, and I'm just way too lazy, LOL.
Thank you for the honest comment Solomon.
Kids are a lot of work. They are a life work. There is something amazing about being use to shape that which is eternal.
The thing that can wear a parent out is the everydayness of the task.
Yes. Having children makes me very, very happy.
Great writing! Yes, my daughter has made me very happy and very sad now that she is in her teen years and is pulling away. But, as hard as it is sometimes, I couldn't imagine my life without her and I would be willing to do it again.
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