Parenting Semi-Adults: Sharing in Delight

I have been informed that I am a joy sucker. I am mature enough to admit I have those tendencies. I tend to see the negative before the positive. I tend to look for harmful influences on my children’s character in given situations. If my husband doesn’t share my view on the effects on our child’s character of a given situation and act to save said character in a “me approved” manner, I have a tendency; I admit to be become a joy sucker.

While I freely admit to the tendency, I often resist when a family member points out that tendency has become behavior. Such is the case with our son’s return to travel hockey. A situation I fully intend to blog about when I can get over being forced against my will to support again this insane endeavor. As you can see, I am clearly not there yet, hence the joy sucking accusation.

Since I have to admit the truth of the accusation, I am now hypersensitive to diminishing my kids delight by my attitude or words. It was so much easier to share in their delight when they were little. To enjoy the wonder of grass on bare tootsies, the irresistibleness of tasting sand, the shock of icy salt water at the beach, the adventure of climbing over mommy's head on the jungle gym at the park, to share in the little victories and challenges of grammar school.

Somewhere along the line life got more complicated, little actions carried bigger meanings and greater dangers. It is hard for me to delight in travel hockey, when the kid who has an excellent mind chooses to be a poor student. Now he has another major distraction to completing his schoolwork. It is hard for me to delight in my daughter’s growing financial freedom as expressed in a (1/2 dozen or so) new dresses(s) she bought this summer, when I know she hasn’t saved as diligently for college. My oldest loves movies. I don’t often enjoy his delight in a movie he has enjoyed. I usually question why he chose to see the movie in the first place.

They are almost or are already adults. They know right from wrong and they are all committed Christ followers. It is hard for me to switch from training mode to respect mode. To keep quite about choices I prefer they not make, for what with my life experience, I know are reasonable reasons. I know conviction is the Holy Spirit’s job, but I have been one of His chief tools for this in my children’s lives and I am finding it hard to be used differently in this area.

The truth is as I mature in being willing to allow the Holy Spirit His role as chief convicter in my children lives; I can grow in sharing their delight in their adulthood. After all grass can contain doggy stuff, it is not wise to eat sand and I was terrified as they climb above my head on the jungle gym. They were His then and I delighted in them and my kid’s are still His now.

I am still not delighted when it comes to travel hockey…

However, Lord working, I will grow to be.

Comments

[Tony Tovar]

You know, I think that recognizing God in my life daily has really helped me with trying to filter out the negativity and really filter in the goodness and joy that only He can bring. Honestly, I see my girlfriend as someone who is kind of like that too and I pray that she will change that because life is to grand and to awesome to let the negative weigh you down. Keep striving in Him.

By His Grace,
Tony Tovar

[ang]

I find it difficult to express my joy when my children are finding theirs' in ways that would not be acceptable to God. It sometimes appears to me as condoning the very behavior I would have disciplined when they were younger. I share your view on this issue. You have reminded me in the past that God is sovereign. I cannot govern their precious heart... so to my knees I go.