Parenting Teens: Word Wars
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 at 12:00AM Warning if you find cuss words offensive, so do I. You may not want to read this post. I am discussing what words are cuss words and will be using examples of those words in this post.
Tech princess posted on Facebook that her day sucked.
I have no trouble that I know of with my teens and the major cuss words. They fall under the Scriptural prohibition, “there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks” (Eph. 5:4).
It is the minor ones I’ m having problems with. Mostly because the kids do not agree these words are unacceptable to begin with. Words like freaking, pissed off, crap and sucks are used by the kids in our home, not always but from time to time.
I remember the first word battle I lost. The word was dang. My oldest was about 14 and he was using it in his daily conversation. In his mind the word was far enough removed from its parent word of damn not to count under the Ephesians command. I lost this one when a one of our elders at church used it not one, not twice but three times in his sermon. This man loves Jesus well and wisely and both my son and I knew that. The debate over dang ended and my son did go on to use courser language, but that was a different heart issue.
We had company yesterday and one man used the phrase “pissed off” to describe his reaction to a certain situation. My daughter smiled. More ammunition for her in the Word Wars.
I have Napoleon Dynamite for the free use of freaking and crap because and I quote, “Everyone knows Mormons’ don’t swear Mom.”
I have been known to use a curse word once or twice,very very rarely when unduly provoked (by my teens. Before the kids becoming teenagers only my mother could be provoking enough to cause a swear word or two to except my lips...sigh). Nether my husband or I use these words in our daily conversations in either private or public.
I have noticed there is an age gap in our church family. Those in their 20’s and younger are more likely to use these word in conversation although rarely in conversation with those of us who are “older”. It is respectful on their part. Why use language that some people find offensive and you don’t, around those people who would be. Very Romans 14.
These words do not seem to trouble my kid’s conscience. They do mine. I am not free to use them.
Part of the problem is these words are used in front of us when the kids are angry with us. Using them in that context is just disrespectful and not okay.
The other consideration is these words seem to be part of teen and young adult language and are acceptable in common usage among the 20 Somethings who do love the Lord, both wisely and well. My test in these situations is WWJD?
Would Jesus use these words in His daily conversation?
I suspect depending on your age the answer will be different.
How do you handle the Word Wars (to be honest ours are more like skirmishes)with your teens or your parents?
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Reader Comments (8)
What a bag of worms here. I can say that I do not cuss in front of my parents, to this day. however, on occasion when I am truly upset, it has come out while I am venting TO my mom, but never, ever AT her. And in fact I am struggling with the fact that my husband always HAS been allowed to cuss in front of his parents, and now my toddler iis copying some of his not so choice words.
My personal feelings are that these words are okay, but if they are not accepted by YOU, then it is disrespectful to say them in front of you. Maybe this could be the compromise? Unfortunately, they are teens, and they will more than likely use them regardless of your wishes. Could you possibly give a little and take a little. The words will not be used in front of you, and maybe it would open that teen-parent relationship a bit if you didn't stress NEVER but rather not in front of YOU, or any other adults that they should be respecting.
I grew up in a home/town/etc. where cuss words were used as adjectives, not only as cussing. Unfortunately, it's been one of the hardest habits for me to break - and my husband! The first time Nick cussed, I was FLOORED! I told him that fine, you're experimenting with your new-found vocabulary, but you will not use it on me.
He pretty much doesn't.
My very soon to be teen has tried to declare that pissed off and suck are not curse words, which of course has forced us to reply "in our house they are!" If these are the worst words that they ever use around their friends, that really wouldn't be too bad, but I don't want them used under my roof.
I thought the quote from Napoleon Dynamite was very funny, who'd have thought it was a quotable movie?
I'm one of those people who use swear words, generally the lesser ones like "pissed off" and "suck". I love the English language and words are very powerful. My mother is able to get me to use stronger words as well. I have two kids, a 16 yr old son and a 6 yr old daughter. The son and his friends will use language that I do not want my daughter using but I know that for these boys it is a way to test their boundaries. If daughter isn't home and I hear them use a word (they are not using this language in front of me, that wouldn't be tolerated, they are speaking to one another and I can over hear them, though they are not aware of this and I would like to keep it that way) I don't make a stink about it. If a word slips when she is home they know to apologize and clean up their language.
As I said, I love the English language and all it affords, I can think of many times where stronger language is not only appropriate but necessary. Knowing ones audience is important however. I would never use words like that in front of my grandmother.
I doubt very much that Jesus would have ever used a cuss word, even if he hit his thumb with a hammer whilst a carpenter ;)
We on the other hand are mere humans, and prone to mistakes. I personally do not have a problem with swear words if used in context. having said that I think it's better to use other words wherever possible.
I would never swear intentionally when in public; never in front of my parents and never in front of a lady, unless I hit my thumb with a hammer.
Great post. I remember being a kid and getting in trouble by my mom simply for saying, "I swear." LOL.
Growing up in my Southern fundamentalist home, I wasn't allowed to use curse words or slang. But when I was mad and feeling rebellious, I would! As an adult, I don't curse and my kids never did in my presence (I'm sure they did with peers, though) It's impossible to control them away from home, but I believe what they hear and learn at home will stick. Enforce your home rules ... and hope for the best!
I'll start by saying I can't remember ever uttering a curse word, not even those you mentioned like p*ss, s**k, or even cr*p. (See, I can't even bring myself to write them :-) BUT, in my heart I have had the extreme (oftentimes sinful) emotions that go with them.
I grew up where the cuss words weren't used in our home, but most of the company who came to our house used things like SOB, GD, etc.
Yes, I flinch if I hear those but I've really had to evaluate my thinking on them. Obviously GD is taking God' name in vain and is a huge definite no-no. But I really have a hard time figuring out why certain other arrangements of letters are otherwise sinful.
I think it might be a matter of culture rather than a matter of coarse talking, which is why there is a generation gap. Remember in our mother's day, they couldn't even say the word "pregnant" without a hushed tone and only in the presence of other women.
I still teach my children that it's respectful to not say those things that offend others, but that doesn't mean they always listen to me.
II couldn't help but laugh today when I was telling my 8 year old son about "sauerkraut" (which he has rarely had, so doesn't even remember it) and he asked, "Sauercr*p? What's that?)