Aging With Adventure:Would You Dance Naked Around The House?
Sunday, November 8, 2009 at 12:00AM I was taking a shower and realized I didn’t have a towel nearby. With a quick scan of the room I realized there were no clean towels within grabbing range. Grumbling that I would have to put my clothes back on to get a towel, I had a further realization: There was no one home! I could walk, dash, rumba, strut, cartwheel (or not) down to the laundry room with or without clothes to get my towel because there were no kids around to shock.
There are turning points in release from being a 24/7 mommy, always having to consider the effects of my behavior on a younger person in my care, to being able to make decisions independent of being someone’s mom. The first one I remember was then all the kids were toilet trained. Not more toting a small suitcase with me everywhere I went. We could jump in the car with less planning, less lugging, more spontaneity.
The next big return to personal independence came when Haggai was about 13. No more babysitters! He was mature enough to leave the younger kids in his care when my husband and I wanted to go out. The younger kids were old enough to rat him out if he abused his powers over them. We both love being parents but it was a revelation to us to have the freedom to be “we” sometimes instead of always “us”. (We did pay him.)
There was a setback in our freedom as both Princess and Haggai developed active social lives and were no longer readily available to babysit their younger brother and sister. Ichabod was too old for a babysitter and not mature enough to deal with the taunting of Tech Princess, so we were back to parent mode until they both matured and we were relatively certain we would not come home to WWIII if we left them home alone together.
As each child had gotten his or her license, I have a greater degree of time to pursue my own interests. The transition to this freed up time has not always been welcome. I kinda miss my older kids.
As I considered the multitude of options I had in getting that much needed towel I didn’t have to consider anyone else but myself in how I would go about that minor task.
The transition from us to we or I as the kids grow up has me rethinking how I do to some of the most basic things that make up a life. What is value of time, when time, money and effort are no long centered on raising children? What does a post child raising marriage look like?
I danced to the tune in my head as I retrieved a towel......
How do you envision a post raising children life and marriage? If you are at this stage of marriage what have you enjoyed most about this time in life?
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Reader Comments (6)
We're there...for the first time in our married life and we're loving it! I can waltz through the house buck nekkid to grab a towel or clothes from the dryer. We can hop in the car and head to town at the last second without having to round up kids or listen to somebody whine about not wanting to go, etc.
oh yes you have to love the independance and freedom that comes from being a parent of an adult child who is out of the house. Although the down side to this is that sometimes they come back, I can only hope that it's not for too long :)
It definitely is freeing. I still don't get it sometimes - even when no one is home, I still tend to walk around as if someone is!
I actually long for a life after parenting. I have been parenting since 1987 and my youngest is only 13, so I have a ways to go....
Too funny, something that happend the other day. My step-daughter was over with her little 3 year old. Little Angie is so comical and says the wierdest stuff sometimes. Anyway, I went into my bedroom to change my pants and in come Angie....saying "Oooo...Granny's got sexy undies!"
Hmmm Maybe I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I could care less if the kids are home. Of course, I'm not "looking" for them to see me in my I've-had-3-kids-and-am-in-my-mid-30s-with-an-endocrine-disease-that's-made-me-gain-over-100-lbs body...but hey. Maybe it will keep them away from the girls for a few more years? lol I'm kidding. I really do walk around nekkid if I need to - but I yell out a warning first. And all they need to hear is, "I need to change clothes!" and I can actually SEE wind before hearing slamming doors. ;)
Secondly, at 16, 13 and 9, I STILL cannot leave my kids home alone. Not all together. I can leave 2 - but 3 and the house would be burned down. Or the world would end. Sad, but true. Also sad, but true - my 9 year old is the most responsible and level-headed. Maybe that's because she's the only girl? Whatever the reason, just last week I left my 2 boys (the 13 & 16 year olds) home alone while the 9 year old and I ran to the store. I had just walked in the door at the store (1 mile from the house) and I got a phone call from the boys, screaming so loudly I had to hold the phone away from my head. Cursing so loud I couldn't hold the phone from my head. Passersby could HEAR them fighting. They didn't even notice I hung up for almost 3 minutes. GEEZ.
And after all that loveliness, I wanted to let you know I adore your blog! I look forward to your stage in life more than you know. It's the stuff hot fantasies are made of. (I will adamantly deny this, but I know in my heart that I'll wither up inside when they all actually get the heck out.)
I have an award for you on my blog - which is so richly deserved. I hope you'll take a couple of minutes to drop by and pick it up. You have a great blog and I enjoy reading it. You've taught me a lot, made me howl with laughter, and given me things to think about. I appreciate all of those gifts. :)
xx
http://onecreativequeen.blogspot.com/2009/11/one-lovely-blog-award.html
I can certaily appreciate and laugh with and at this post. I have 2 kids away at college and a high schooler at home. I really feel that I am ready to be 'free' again. Not to center my life around the needs, desire and wants of the kids but I still have some time to go to truly cut loose.
It is really a pleasure to be home alone and not concerned about who or when one of them will be home.
I havent done the nekkid thing yet, just a quick dash from the bathroom to my bed room, at times it is down to a stroll but I am gearing up to a full fledge house walk and even a :) around.
Life after kids at home and tied into my pocketbook is something I'm really looking forward to