A Week of No Complaining Day 3: I Feel Powerless
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 07:44AM Without being freely able to complain to and about my kids I find I have a lot less to say! That is not bad thing. My ESSV has been diligent in her role as self appointed monitor for the week. Her exertions on my behalf have curbed my natural desire to justify words of aggravation spoken aloud to the deserving party.
This does beg the question: What is the difference between complaining and correction? For current example: If our resident semi-adult leaves the coffee maker on all night again, how does one communicate that this is a dangerous , thoughtless, foolish, unwise over site on her part and I wish it to stop immediately or please do not use the coffee maker at night. Words to this effect have in no way led to the desired change in behavior.
I am beginning to see I complain because I feel hopeless to effect change without extreme measures on my part. Leaving the coffee maker on all night is a safely issue as well a misuse of freely provided hospitality. I could hide the coffee or coffee maker. Not a bad if silly solution. The odds of me remembering to do so are nil. I could stay up all night to ensure coffee if made, the maker is turned off. I could buy a coffee maker with an automatic off switch. All these solutions involve I and not the semi-adult who persists in making coffee at night and not turning off the coffee maker. Hence the complaining.
I am stumped.
How do you deal with semi-adults (or other adults) and their thoughtlessness without complaining or taking silly extreme measures?
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Reader Comments (5)
Wow you are much nicer than me. I would tell the person once...maybe twice and if they kept disrespecting my wishes I would throw them out.
This does include my own children by the way. but, they already know this so none have never had the need to move back home. they are self-sufficient.
I tried to help some friends of ours once and let them stay for a while as they were in a transitional period. The husband was just rue jerk. That lasted about a month and I gave them 30 days to find a place of their own. Wow guess what they were capapble.
I don;t complain. I tell it and that's the way it is. If they don't like it...then I simply have them move on down the road.
Of, course if you want to continue to be seen as the villain over and over no matter what you do or how you say it....then simply buy a coffee pot that turns itself off automatically.
As for me if I am always and forever the villain anyway....then I would truly live up to that...and, tell them in hey it;s my way or no way...no exceptions....that's not whining or complaining. That is stating a fact!!
Good luck...I know it's not easy and you are going through a tough time. I wish the best!!:-)
I don't do EC anymore, but want to offer that phrasing is everything. "Honey, I noticed you left the coffee maker on all night. Do you understand that this is a safety hazard? What can we do in the future to avoid burning the house down?"
Questions can be powerful. It requires the other person to articulate what needs to happen so you don't have to and helps them internalize the information.
I suck at it, but I'm learning.
Great series. You are very brave. I tried this a couple months ago, but I was not as brave. I only tried one day. As part of a bible study on Philippians we are doing in a small group the discussion leader for that week focused on "low level" complaining. We were all led to try not complaining for a day. Let me tell you it is a lot harder than anyone thinks. I thought at the time "O this will be easy". I failed, but it did give me a deeper sensitivity to my complaints and just how much they can pull me down. They can be a weight hanging on us. "Low level" complaints are kind of like a slow dripping faucet, it never is really an immediate problem but over time it can be one. Over time it can cost you a lot. Anyway good luck with your adventure and I am sure just the attempt will change you in some way. It did me.
I call it Extreme Living | Philippians 2:14
peace & grace,
brad
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Have a great day.. Cheers!!!
No complaining...great goal. I'm really focusing on myself and my kids these days. Ask for what you want, forget what you don't like and focus on where/what you are hoping to receive.
Great blog...and contest!!!!!!