Aging With Adventure:Would You Dance Naked Around The House?

I was taking a shower and realized I didn’t have a towel nearby. With a quick scan of the room I realized there were no clean towels within grabbing range.  Grumbling that I would have to put my clothes back on to get a towel, I had a further realization: There was no one home! I could walk, dash, rumba, strut, cartwheel (or not) down to the laundry room with or without clothes to get my towel because there were no kids around to shock.

There are turning points in release from being a 24/7 mommy, always having to consider the effects of my behavior on a younger person in my care, to being able to make decisions independent of being someone’s mom. The first one I remember was then all the kids were toilet trained. Not more toting a small suitcase with me everywhere I went. We could jump in the car with less planning, less lugging, more spontaneity.

The next big return to personal independence came when Haggai was about 13. No more babysitters! He was mature enough to leave the younger kids in his care when my husband and I wanted to go out. The younger kids were old enough to rat him out if he abused his powers over them. We both love being parents but it was a revelation to us to have the freedom to be “we” sometimes instead of always “us”. (We did pay him.)

There was a setback in our freedom as both Princess and Haggai developed active social lives and were no longer readily available to babysit their younger brother and sister. Ichabod was too old for a babysitter and not mature enough to deal with the taunting of Tech Princess, so we were back to parent mode until they both matured and we were relatively certain we would not come home to WWIII if we left them home alone together.

As each child had gotten his or her license, I have a greater degree of time to pursue my own interests.  The transition to this freed up time has not always been welcome. I kinda miss my older kids.

As I considered the multitude of options I had in getting that much needed towel I didn’t have to consider anyone else but myself in how I would go about that minor task. 

The transition from us to we or I as the kids grow up has me rethinking how I do to some of the most basic things that make up a life. What is value of time, when time, money and effort are no long centered on raising children? What does a post child raising marriage look like?

I danced to the tune in my head as I retrieved a towel......

How do you envision a post raising children life and marriage? If you are at this stage of marriage what have you enjoyed most about this time in life?

 

Time For A Second Cup

Fifty is approaching.  So much in my life is starting to change.  My main occupation for the last 20 years has been as an at home mom.  I am really good at my job.  However, that job is gradually being outsourced to the very children I have been raising all these years.  Six more years and I will be done.  There will be some parenting of semi-adults left to do.  Parenting semi-adults is not the same as raising children.  At least it’s not as time and labor intensive.

These last 20 years have been like a first cup of coffee.  It wakes you up, it’s the start of the day, time to hit the ground running and get stuff done.  I really enjoy that first cup of coffee in the morning.

It is getting to be time for that second cup of coffee.  I hope to savor this cup more.  There is still a lot to do, but this time, what I do will be more of my own choosing.

Parenthood has been a great adventure.  There is something amazing about having the time to be actively involved is my children’s lives.  It is a privilege, and I have enjoyed this opportunity.

Not that I haven’t wondered what life would be like if my husband and I had made different choices. If I had remained in the work force we would have more savings for retirement, for college, for travel, for donating. I could continue in my chosen career instead of starting out again in my 50’s. Sure of how good that first cup of coffee was, with very little changing I would be assured of the pleasure of my second cup.

For a short while I thought  I had wasted my life by remaining at home instead perusing a career.  I came to realize I had doubted my past decisions because the ones I am starting to make now are little leaps of faith, the potential for making a mistake rides along side the potential for continued purpose and joy in life.

One reason I was confident in my decision to be an at home parent is I am not the one who brews the coffee I so enjoy in life.  Being a believer in Jesus means I have His assurance of an overflowing cup of His love and His plan for my life, even with some of the hardships Dave and I have endured together while raising our family.  His plan has been one for our good.

It is time to start planning to have that second cup of life.  I know the Master Brewer.  Sometimes He has poured bitterness and hardship into my cup of life, but not often, and never more than I have been able to swallow with heaping spoonfuls of His grace and mercy.

Not being an at home mom means my future is no longer settled.  It is time for change.  Change in life is either scary, or an adventure, or a little of both.  I’m planning to enjoy my second cup.