Walking the Dog: Strollers

Talk about a product that needs a name update. When my kids were little a stroller was aptly named. One strolled at a reasonable pace, the child strapped around the waist if you could find the strap.

Now, strollers are the SUVs of the sidewalk. They are made of high impact plastic with tires that could transverse a desert if need be. I see way more two seater strollers than one seaters even if there is just one child occupying the high speed vehicle.

That is the biggest change I encounter with strollers when walking the dog. Those babies move fast, propelled through time and space by athletic human engines. The stroller propellers are usually female during the days but by my observation, they are more often male in the evenings and on weekends. The children are strapped in as if to pilot a fighter plane. Some of them even have little helmets on.

I have yet to see a crying, bored, unhappy child fly by as the dog and I adroitly move out of the way.

If there is a bump in motorcycle sales in about 18 years, I for one will not be surprised.

Walking The Dog: The Napoleon Complex

 What is it with dogs? When Cinders and I are out walking, invariably some little yappy dog starts yapping smack to my dog. Some 8 pound little bundle of testosterone (or the doggy equalivent) decides if she wasn’t tied up on this leash, she would take my dog down just for walking on her sidewalk. The teeny senseless animal commences to bark and growl and pull at the thin piece of leather my dog could chomp in two with one bit and deliverers the carnine equivalent of “ Your mother is a ......”. I don’t speak dog but I have teen boys and I know smack talk when I hear it.

Cinders just keeps walking. Sometimes she stops and stares at the little piece of fur with a death wish. I’m not sure those critters even register as dogs to Cinders. I suspect she thinks they are squeak toys. You know what dogs do to squeak toys! However it is not her squeak toy so she doesn’t get to play with it. My command to her in these situations is: We maintain dignity. In the face of little dogs with Napoleon Complexes Cinders and I will stroll sedately by.

However when the size is on the other paw, Cinders is no wiser then her teeny kinsmen. There is a Doberman who resides behind a 3 foot wrought iron fence mounted firmly on a 2 foot brick wall. There is something about Cinders that inflames the dog with the desire to do either Cinders or I serious bodily harm. This dog is big, with great big teeth and a ferocious bark. In the face of this obvious display of dominance, you would think Cinders’ would stroll quickly past the Doberman.

No, not my dog

She starts barking smack at the dog that could chomp her in two with just one bite! Cinders’ lunges for the fence, held back by both a fairly thick leash the Doberman could have for dinner and still be hungry and me, Cinders' not happy owner, growling, “You want a piece of me!” The Doberman starts circling. I know he is hoping to spin fast enough to create a vortex that will lift him over the fence so he can rightly respond to the stupid dog dissin him.

What is it with dogs?

Aging With Oddness: While Walking The Dog.

I have continued with my dog walking duties. When we set out, besides using the no-jerk leash and my special "walk the dog athletic shoes" (any shoes that cost that much can’t be called sneakers. I would never pay that much for sneakers!), I always were my sunglasses.

I am convinced that no one can see me if I wear sunglasses.

Weird huh?

Then and Now: Walking The Dog

Walking the dog when you are a teen: 1) Put something on feet or not. 2) Put leash on dog because it is the law. 3) Walk/run.

Walking the dog when you are approaching 50: 1) Purchase good quality athletic shoes with excellent arch support and purchase no-blister wicking socks. 2) Use a no tug harness to protect your back. Put leash on dog because if for some reason she gets away you will never be able to catch her. Plus it is the law. 3) Walk with your dog looking back at you every now and then wishing you would walk faster. 4) Upon returning home apply BenGay to lower back and self medicate using ibprophine as needed. 5) Collapse on couch for 10 minutes.